What went wrong?
by Rory-Dasiny
Summary: Inside
1. What went wrong?

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Prologue Where it all began ...  
  
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A lot can happen in ten years, a long time for things to change whether for the best or the worst. Buffy finally defeated the first evil, but not without loss. The destruction of Sunnydale affected more than half of the town, they had died fighting, a slayers and a few from Sunnydale had died as well, families were separated by death, and friends separated to pursue different fields.  
  
Since the First Evil's fall, Giles, Willow and Buffy had decided to train the new slayers in a more safer and secure area. Unfortunately, evil creatures are still around. Giles is re-forming the Council, Willow searches for the new Slayers, and Buffy trains the new slayers.  
  
Some demons had found an effective and slow way to kill innocent humans, witches and everybody that is human. Unfortunately, this has become a battle to protect humanity. The left over and new demons had created and distributed drug's and had corrupted seers, telepaths, and empaths by making them addicted to ecstasy.  
  
One special Group helps fight the new groups of Demons. The Group's name "The Untouchables," and they are lead by William, AKA Spike. Spike is the first leader of this new group. This group does not work for the government.  
  
Spike, is well known as a highly skilled fighter with weapons. His dream is to eliminate all Evil Demons, but specially to get rid of the drug "ecstasy."  
  
Later, the superior of "The Untouchables" forced Spike to befriend a new teammate, his old friend Xander Harris. Both had not talked in ten long years. Everyone knows Xander not only for his visions but for his brashness as well. He lives in the top floor of the New Headquarters to train Slayers. The Council pampers and treats Xander like royalty since he became the most powerful and only seer of America. He sometimes works for the Government and the Government's officials have pampered him as well.  
  
Unfortunately like all seers, Xander relies heavily on the drug, ecstasy, to help him keep his sanity. Since he is partially an empath, he is unable to block other's feelings and so he needs the drug to muffle them. Will Xander rely on thievery or prostitution to get the desire drugs that he needs? Will Spike or somebody else save the seer?  
  
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Should I Continue?  
  
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	2. What went wrong? Part 1

********** PART 1 Someone's POV Somewhere in England **********  
  
The brunette seer, Xander, had been on my mind for the last ten years. As my thoughts progressed, I had realized that I felt admiration, which makes him into an effective seer, compassionate, that he cares so much that he is willing to stand the headaches.  
  
Even the Seer's least desirable traits are adorable, like his impulsiveness, his stubbornness, his, apparently new, bossy attitude, they stood out to me. I had been feeling restless and I did not know why. I know that I had been through this before, but now the problem was haunting me again. I have tried to be many things, protecting the slayers, research."  
  
Xander had been on my mind lately. I have trouble facing my feelings and its troubling me, my best friend Xander, he has changed from the scared teenager I used to look after to the Slayer's seer, he's also very opinionated now and he has a political view of everything that happens around him.  
  
The few times that I gathered the courage to talk to him, it feels like I am talking to a stranger. He handled our friend's deaths much better then I have and he is still trying to protect the innocents.  
  
I had always felt comfortable turning down the ones that propose to me, but I do not have the courage to ask Xander out on a date.  
  
There are a million reasons that I like Xander, my brunette seer. My friend Xander, he is resourceful, he has a sense of humor that I long lost, but he is also spontaneous and dependable. He is devoted, sharp, gifted; unpretentious, courteous, quick thinker and I love him for it and everything else. Now, being what he is, the Slayer's Seer, I do not think that I am worthy of his love.  
  
The worst thing is that I have not treated him like a friend for ten long years that I do not feel worthy of being his life mate. I do not know if Xander would go out with me, hell, I do not even know if he even likes me. Maybe I am overreacting, but when I started dating guys, I feared that I detected some disapproval in him. He did not approve of it; he even suggested that I go out with ... does it matter now. He offered to hook me up with ... I cannot say the name. I love him so much it hurts.  
  
********** Xander's POV Slayer's Headquarters **********  
  
I am the seer, but I am also depressed. I am the one who has the control of the innocents and the Slayers destiny in my hands. I can choose to protect the innocent or to let them die with my visions. I always choose the first. You would think that this would make me the happiest person in the world, knowing that I save innocents every day, but it does not.  
  
I have not felt good about myself for some time now. When I had received my powers, Willow had found a spell that had stopped my brain from degenerating. However, a few months ago, it started to become harder and harder to ignore the pounding in my head that came with each vision. Fortunately, for me Willow was always traveling and she has not found out about the headaches.  
  
Even with my decision to become the seer, Buffy and Dawn have stayed by my side; they are my rock on which my soul rests upon. Still, both Buffy and Dawn are too busy than keep their seer company. Willow was there for me too, but she is too busy nowadays. Therefore, I have not talked with Willow in months now. I do not want to bother her and I do not have the time to call her up either.  
  
Another thing, when I had first become the seer, a good friend of mine had looked so sad. I was in my office the next day my friend had left. No one knew where my friend had gone. Why did my friend leave me? What did I do to make my friend leave? Why would my friend do this to me? These questions have plagued my mind since friend's first disappearance from the Slayer's Headquarters.  
  
I sighed slightly and wondered for the millionth time what my friend and Willow were doing right now. My friend and Willow was the most important people that the New Council had had. They travel a lot and I envy them for that. My job meant that I had to spend a great deal of my time alone in this empty room. Sure, I did get visitors every hour; and employees came to pick up the reports from my latest visions, but that was all.  
  
Although, I knew everyone by name, the employees never really became my friends. Most of them were too afraid to harm or disturbed me, or they get too freaked out when a vision comes and my pupils film over with white, so nobody would tries to befriend me or even tries to be something more than a friend.  
  
In my job, I have other issues to face. Being the seer means that I can never go home without protection. I have already lost so much. I still have Willow, Buffy, Dawn, and the G-man, but sometimes they are too busy making sure the world was safe. The worst part of all is that the new Council has prohibited me from falling in love.  
  
Of course, I have never told any of my friend's what the Ministry has prohibited me. I am always nice and pleasant to everyone, and still most of them do not understand what my friends, family and I go through. The constant fear that we might not make it. I smirk at myself for such negative thoughts.  
  
"I think that maybe I am getting too melodramatic in my old age," I think to myself. However, at the same time I have to get these feelings out, even if it is in my head. I do not want my friends to suspect anything, not my pain, or my sadness.  
  
Sometimes in moments like this, the burden of the seer overwhelms me and my head feels too heavy. Oh, my friend, I loved my friend so much, but we could never be together. I am the seer now and my friend is a white knight, which was ironic because I thought I would be the White Knight. We can never have a love. But I can see it in my friend's eyes, they are consumed be the restrained love that my friend has for me, those few precious times when my friend visits the Slayer's Headquarters that I have seen my friend. Unfortunately, for me, my friend has never made a move, and I would sometimes wonder if my friend knows the rule that the New Council had told me to follow.  
  
When my thoughts get too dark, I always remember the ones that have made the sacrifice so that I can live and go on. I pray for them everyday and thank them for letting me live in cost of their own lives. Nothing was going to make me regret my decision to become a seer for the Slayers. Not my lost childhood, my dead friends, the immense pain that I have to endure because of the violent visions, or even the fact that I am not allowed the pleasure of love.  
  
If the blind headaches or the violence I see in my visions almost every hour is becoming too much for me, all I have to remember are all the lives I have saved everyday because of my efforts. All I have to remember is that Buffy and Dawn are with me and that they need me sane. Then the vision begun ...  
  
As I came back from the vision, pain strikes my head like always. Right now, I am paying somebody to bring me the drugs that I need. I know that I should not be doing this, but I am in so much pain from the visions. I have to use them.  
  
Still, when I looked at the time and noticed that the sun was just peaking out from behind the clouds, I could not help the small sigh of relief that had escaped from my lips. This means that my visions stopped for the next ten hours, allowing my mind to rest. I would go eat something with Buffy and Dawn, then take a couple of painkillers and go to bed.  
  
As usual, I was alone in my office on the top floor of the Slayer's Headquarters and the New American Council; it was a big and old manor with extensive grounds. This was the perfect place to train future Slayers and their future Watchers, in addition, since the destruction of Sunnydale ten years ago.  
  
Buffy, Dawn and I, we live in the Slayer's Headquarters, my friend would sometimes live there also, but my friend never stayed more than a day or two, so it was more like sporadic visits.  
  
I liked the Slayer's Headquarters; they had this old fashion look, high ceilings and cold floors. This never bothered me because the manor's servants could light up the room's furnace in a moment's notice.  
  
The New American Council surrounded me with luxuries; I had house servants for my every whim. As I waited for the visions to come, I would wait patiently on silk cushions in an elegantly beautiful stone pavilion, I never had to lift a finger to do something, well, except when I am writing about my visions.  
  
For my friends, I had to assume the responsibilities as well as the mantle of being the seer for the World. It was hard work, but it was worth it despite the constant headaches. It was a task to which I worked every hour of every day, and for all of my hard work, I was treated like royalty and pampered with my every whim or need met as I voiced it, and I will always protect the innocent with the knowledge my pain brings.  
  
As I wrote the last details from my last vision of the day, I gently tucked the paper and pen into a pocket and made my way down three flights of stairs. I stopped on the second floor to give my report to Melissa's office. She and James send the reports all over America and sometimes the world. I had to do something's by myself.  
  
I walked towards the dinning room and smiled at the blond slayer and her younger sister standing there. Physically Buffy had hardly changed over the last ten years. Buffy had been able to become the not entirely normal, but happy woman that she had always wanted to be.  
  
In her way, Dawn had matured. She had grown into a tall, beautiful woman. She had become a professional watcher for the young slayers, and teacher for the new Watchers. Buffy was also an instructor she trains the slayers. Since the destruction of Sunnydale, Buffy's relationship with her sister had been tough for a while, but they eventually re-discovered what it meant to be siblings and now they were closer than ever.  
  
Another thing was that Buffy enjoyed cooking. She enjoyed it so much that whenever she had the time, she would cook for us. Tonight she had made a light chicken Teriyaki with vegetables and a tuna salad.  
  
Out of all of us, Dawn is the one who has a lot to do, but she always manages to find time for these early morning dinners. Even Buffy, who was around people all day, she cherished these moments when it was just the three of us.  
  
We had lost so much and yet we wanted to stay strong for each other. I do not think that our friends and family would want to see us sad because of their deaths. It reminded us of high school, growing up, the good times, before everything turned to shit, the times when Joyce and my other friends were with us. Those were truly the best of times.  
  
They stopped their conversation when they saw me and observed me. After I had kissed them both on the cheek, Ginny demanded what I dreaded.  
  
"Ronnie, did you eat today? You look terrible. How is your head feeling? Are the headaches getting worse?"  
  
Yep, it was her mother hen impersonation today. Since Joyce died, she had taken upon herself to take care of me, even when I did not want it. Buffy acted the same way and sometimes she even encouraged the already enthusiastic Dawn. Dawn and ... I still cannot think about it, they are a married couple now, I feel happy for them. I think that Buffy needs to go on dates and move on.  
  
Another person who is also alone is my friend, even after ten years, my friend had not found anybody. Although my friend had dated sometimes, my friend went out with either sex. My friend received plenty of marriage proposals, but my friend had turned them down explaining that my friend was waiting for a soulmate.  
  
I always felt an ache within me, I had never admitted it, but I love my friend. I finally found the heart to accept my feelings, and every night afterwards, but I would always wonder if my friend felt the same way. I mean my friend was always the one to take the initiative when it came to asking people my friend liked out on a date. If my friend had any interest in me, I would have heard it by now. I would take no other as my soul mate. However, what I did not know was that in the end I had to reconsider what I was thinking.  
  
Well, I could not blame them for worrying. I lost a good amount of weight over the years. I guess it is a side effect from the drugs. Moreover, I have not been nearly as hungry as I used to be. Before the visions came, I weighed around 185 pounds and now, I hardly weighted 150 pounds.  
  
I gently smiled at my Dawn and shared an amused glance with Buffy, or at least I tried. I did not wanted Buffy to se me high on ecstasy, so I had taken one of Snape's potions. We both knew how she tended to overact when it came to my health, my power, my visions and my entire life in general.  
  
Each year, the heads of the council in every country would meet to discuss demons, prophesies, the slayers, plans for the future, that sort of thing. I had attended a few years ago, but with my visions, I had decided it was just too much trouble. This would be Dawn's first meeting as head of the American council in England, and she had to host the thing.  
  
They would be meeting at a hotel in the city, so as not to disturb the slayers, but Dawn had been preparing for weeks. I grinned a bit. It also meant that Willow would be coming back for a couple of days.  
  
I picked up my spoon and started to eat. "Yes, mum. You'll be happy to know I had breakfast and lunch." I did not mention that both meals had consisted only of toast and water. On the other hand, even with that little nourishment it had been hard to keep down. "My head does hurt, but it's nothing I can't handle."  
  
"Willow's spell still seems to be holding up fairly well, although when she gets here I'll get her to have a look at it, make sure everything is still in working order." I stated, and Dawn seemed satisfied, but Buffy gave me a speculative look.  
  
I knew that I was lying to them, but I just could not tell them in how much pain I was. I worried that if they knew they would try to take the visions from me. As long as I can hold a pen and write then I can endure the headache, even if the visions end up killing me some day.  
  
Somehow, I know that this is my destiny; something inside of me told me that this is my path of life, to be a seer for the magical community. I had my place and so did everyone else, Willow and my friend are the two strongest and bravest white knights. Dawn and Buffy protected the slayers by giving them the well-trained watchers.  
  
My role as a seer was to direct the Order the slayers to the innocents that needed protection. I will never give that up. "It was a slow day, I only had ten visions," I quietly told them.  
  
"As usual your descriptions were flawless," Dawn, said. We talked for almost an hour. Buffy was happy to talk about his classes and the new slayers she was helping train. Dawn was talking about the meeting. Later, we began to talk about Willow. We were looking forward to seeing her. Buffy had also announced that the G-man had promised that he was going to visit us.  
  
Eventually, I had to admit that I was practically falling asleep in my chair, and I gave my friend's a hug before leaving them to their days.  
  
My head was pounding as I made my way into my bedroom. It felt like someone was poking hot knives into my brain. First, I looked in my hidden compartment for my stash. I do not think the two tablets will even dent into the pain, but I still dry swallow them.  
  
Then, I go onto the third bottle. I study the label contents. It is a prescription medicine from one of the late Slayers, Renee Jones; it is a stronger dosage of Vicodine. She was killed a couple of days ago and I took her medicine.  
  
Am I turning into a thief? What is happening to me? No, I am fine. I am the same Xander I always have been. I pop two of these into my mouth. I stumbled a bit as I exited the bathroom, but I had spent the last ten years ignoring headaches, and managed to pull myself upright. The Vicodine, the ecstasy would not kick in for a couple of minutes.  
  
I also use morphine, but only when the pain gets dreadful will I take morphine. I can get morphine from the infirmary, but I have to be careful not to take it too often. I stick with the Vicodine and ecstasy for now.  
  
I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes. As I rested on my bed made of silk and velvet, I had very little strength to summon. I think that Willow suspected something but she never confronted me about it. My headaches went unnoticed by Willow; she was only focusing on "protecting" me from the bad guys to notice my headaches. My parents were the first that I lost. Like so many others, I had known when I was in Sunnydale.  
  
I frowned a bit as I tried to relax. It was ironic, I have visions to protect the innocents and yet she is trying to protect me from everything. You know, the pain from the vision had never been this bad before. Had something happened to Willow's shields? Was the spell failing?  
  
I have to wait because there is nothing that I could do. I leaned back down on the cushions. I could sense that something was going to change. Even as I thought it, I reached one hand out weakly for the telephone on my side table.  
  
There was something seriously wrong if the pain did not go away. Perhaps I should have said something to Buffy after all. What the hell was wrong with me?  
  
Suddenly my weak fingers dropped the telephone. My psyche shields came crashing down as Willow's spell failed and ten years worth of suppressed pain tore through my brain with severe brutality, leaving neurons overloaded, nerves fried. I barely noticed the tears of blood that were dripping down my face as the pain dragged me down. Not distracting myself with the coppery smell of my own blood, I send a telepathic scream at my close friends until I could no longer feel anything at all.  
  
********** Meanwhile outside of Xander's room Someone is lurking in the shadows **********  
  
I do not think that anybody really knows you, my beautiful Xander, or even notices who you really are. I think that no one cares about your feelings, well except for your visions. I hate how they treat you; they treat as if you were a circus freak for their entertainment. It seems so wrong and degrading by treating you like an object, and not as a living breathing person that feels just as they. Everyone is so worried about your latest vision that nobody sees the distress and the pain behind your warm chocolate eyes.  
  
Even your supposed best friends cannot tell what you are feeling. I can see it; you love ... with all of your heart and soul, but ... are too blind to see what a valuable thing ... got, the heart of the seer. Right now, that does not matter though, because you have become numb to the world, numb to any kind of emotions except for your faked happiness that you have perfected so well over the years as a seer.  
  
I hate everyone, specially the New Council. I hate how they have isolated you in a room from the rest of the world. You cannot travel, you do not have friends and ... and the worst part is that you cannot fall in love.  
  
They enclosed you in this room full of luxuries and began calling you their Prince, prince of what? Prince of loneliness, Prince of an isolated life, Prince of the future of the world, I had seen you showing other's what the future brings and with each vision, I can see a small part of your soul fade away.  
  
I feel ashamed by what it is happening to you. I know that you save lives, but at the same time, I cannot help, but to see you as the New Council's amusement. In turn, they had showed you loneliness and rules.  
  
There had been a time where I would have loved to kidnap you and take you far away. At these times, I would tell myself that I didn't wanted to see anybody suffer. The truth is, I do not want to die. I thought that it would be better to live than to die in a world of destruction. I thought that it would be better to live, without feeling.  
  
Why do I care that you feel alone when people surround you? Why do I care that you might kill yourself or that the visions might kill you soon? My vision boy dying is what scares me the most, because I do care. I do not know when these weird feelings for you came about, but I know I cannot lose you. I am your only friend now, not that you know I consider you a friend. I am just another face in the crowd, just another passerby. Just someone who you thinks hates you, and I feel guilty that I cannot tell you the truth, but that will soon change.  
  
"I promise you Xander, I will save you, from yourself and from other's," I whisper walking out of the shadow in front of his window. It was time to present my new image to the Slayer's seer. The visions affected Xander and it was time for me to see how bad they had affected him, my soulmate. ********** I had been waiting for a while. Buffy Ann Summers and Dawn Joyce Summers are going to interview me. As I waited for one of them or even both of them to interview me, I began to think once again about the brunette seer, Xander.  
  
The seer had grieved long and hard since the destruction of Sunnydale. I could also see how much you loved ... I could somehow inform ... how the seer feels about, but since I am interested in the seer; as well then, I am not saying anything.  
  
My dark side however, had rejoiced over ... oblivious state of mind, my competition was non-existing. Another positive thing is that the seer is starving for physical contact and not just in a friendly way. But at the same time I didn't wanted to take advantage to posses his body, so I would let him do it.  
  
Yet, I had also come to realize how much I truly love him and it was not just physical attraction. I knew that this love change me, my attitude towards life. The seer is going to be a part of my life and a part of me.  
  
Thinking about the seer always brought a smile to my face. I wanted to tell my seer so much right now. I wanted to tell my seer about me becoming a High Priest. The years I had spent in Japan, training so I can be who I am today. I wonder if my seer will recognize me. I am going to become his bodyguard.  
  
********** To Be Continued **********  
  
I would like to thank ... Rachel ... Well about what you asked me. It is very simple, Watcher's Council and the Government are both interested in keeping Xander happy, but they are also interested in keeping him alive. Therefore, they would not risk Xander's life. Oh and thank you for your interesting comment.  
  
I would also like to thank Jane McCartney, than you for your comment. Well, I was not thinking about making it a X/S shipper, in fact I was not even thinking about having Xander in any sort of relationship, but now that you brought it up. I just have to ask.  
  
********** Should I make this into a S/X shipper? ********** 


End file.
